I am not going to be presumptuous and state that I am the reincarnation of Sigmund Freud when it comes to comings and goings of human emotions, the thought process behind it or how the human brain reacts to the events surrounding the above mentioned landlord who rented out the space for the said brain. No, that is not the motivation behind this post.
So let us get to it! What causes doubts? By this I do not mean the over-eager student sitting in the first row of the class raising his/her hand up to ask the most inane doubts to project themselves to the professor. I mean the doubts the brain conjures up and goes on in an infinite loop. This leads to self-pity. One starts to think "Oh I have done so much, but now I am feeling incompetent. I do not know what to do." A direct outcome of this is, at least to a person who lacks self-confidence, polling everyone he/she knows. Now, these people who span the spectrum of being mere acquaintances to good friends to spouse and relations all give their opinion on the subject matter at hand. Some do it out of their goodness of heart, some do it to feel superior. I am not here to judge the motivation of these people. The person who receives this does this so that people pity him/her, give him/her advice and in turn make the decision for them. This way the person feels good about himself/herself because in way they didn't make the decision.
I must admit I am one of them. From my perspective, why do I go about seeking confirmation or decision choices from all and sundry? Well, I am scared to take the responsibility of the decision let alone take the decision. Why? Well for one facing the ridicule! 'Insanity', you say and I admit. The other reason is Self-Doubt which stems from lack of self-confidence. There are people who might not be the subject matter expert but they do have the gift of the gab. They talk as though they are, to borrow a Seinfeld quote, "masters of their domain". I think, well is the receiver of such information so naive they believe this drivel? Can't they see through all this aggrandization?
After all this I define maturity as the ability to take the decision, well informed one at that not haphazard, and standing behind it all the way. One or lets face it, I shouldn't worry about the ridiculing and what not. As Paddy Upton, erstwhile mental conditioning coach of the Indian Cricket team puts it, (i paraphrase) "Nelson Mandela and Mahatma Gandhi had many detractors and there were many who hated them. What have you done to deserve anything different?"
One has to be confident yet not be abrasive, set boundaries yet not sound arrogant. I do have a grouse against one group of people - those who presume they know you better than you and offer advice as to what you should do and how you should do it. All this unsolicited mind you. I just want to say "I am old enough to wipe my own ass, so take your advice and shove it up the unsanitary place in the human anatomy". But if you are old enough, you know you fostered such a relationship which has led to this unsolicited advice. Life is short, well independent life is too short to be living on other's terms.
The starting place is - Having confidence in self. This leads to being the best filter possible. Leave out things you know are ridiculous and process advice that is relevant and make an informed decision. The more you think about the motivation for the other person to offer unsolicited advice the more angry you get. Instead take it with a smile, agree to whatever they say and take the decision you want to take.
Here is the best part, if you fail, you learn from it. You take the lessons and store it for future reference. If you take the decision others want you to take, what do you learn? NOTHING!
Keep Learning and Be Happy!
So let us get to it! What causes doubts? By this I do not mean the over-eager student sitting in the first row of the class raising his/her hand up to ask the most inane doubts to project themselves to the professor. I mean the doubts the brain conjures up and goes on in an infinite loop. This leads to self-pity. One starts to think "Oh I have done so much, but now I am feeling incompetent. I do not know what to do." A direct outcome of this is, at least to a person who lacks self-confidence, polling everyone he/she knows. Now, these people who span the spectrum of being mere acquaintances to good friends to spouse and relations all give their opinion on the subject matter at hand. Some do it out of their goodness of heart, some do it to feel superior. I am not here to judge the motivation of these people. The person who receives this does this so that people pity him/her, give him/her advice and in turn make the decision for them. This way the person feels good about himself/herself because in way they didn't make the decision.
I must admit I am one of them. From my perspective, why do I go about seeking confirmation or decision choices from all and sundry? Well, I am scared to take the responsibility of the decision let alone take the decision. Why? Well for one facing the ridicule! 'Insanity', you say and I admit. The other reason is Self-Doubt which stems from lack of self-confidence. There are people who might not be the subject matter expert but they do have the gift of the gab. They talk as though they are, to borrow a Seinfeld quote, "masters of their domain". I think, well is the receiver of such information so naive they believe this drivel? Can't they see through all this aggrandization?
After all this I define maturity as the ability to take the decision, well informed one at that not haphazard, and standing behind it all the way. One or lets face it, I shouldn't worry about the ridiculing and what not. As Paddy Upton, erstwhile mental conditioning coach of the Indian Cricket team puts it, (i paraphrase) "Nelson Mandela and Mahatma Gandhi had many detractors and there were many who hated them. What have you done to deserve anything different?"
One has to be confident yet not be abrasive, set boundaries yet not sound arrogant. I do have a grouse against one group of people - those who presume they know you better than you and offer advice as to what you should do and how you should do it. All this unsolicited mind you. I just want to say "I am old enough to wipe my own ass, so take your advice and shove it up the unsanitary place in the human anatomy". But if you are old enough, you know you fostered such a relationship which has led to this unsolicited advice. Life is short, well independent life is too short to be living on other's terms.
The starting place is - Having confidence in self. This leads to being the best filter possible. Leave out things you know are ridiculous and process advice that is relevant and make an informed decision. The more you think about the motivation for the other person to offer unsolicited advice the more angry you get. Instead take it with a smile, agree to whatever they say and take the decision you want to take.
Here is the best part, if you fail, you learn from it. You take the lessons and store it for future reference. If you take the decision others want you to take, what do you learn? NOTHING!
Keep Learning and Be Happy!
